Most little girls love to play dress-up. Pouring their little toes into mom’s stilettos, wrapping up in the shiniest of clothing, and sneaking into her lipstick only to parade around the house hoping someone will notice how grown up they look. We play along and tell them how pretty they look while they watch and hang on each reaction. This act is done in homes all the country. However, with a growing culture emphasis on our visual appearance, maybe it is time we stop to think about the messages we are sending.
In the season premiere of Our America with Lisa Ling, viewers shadow beauty pageant families as their children put it all out there in hopes of being crowned queen. Off stage the children were lively and fun. It was clear that they were having a good time. But as the clock ticked down the tension would boil up. Parents were frustrated and children are ushered around like cattle. Each girl took to the stage with the same eerie smile. Plastered in position they arched their backs and moved like they were in traction. As their dresses filled the stage, it was hard to not wonder home many families were suffering from the financial cost of this spectacle. As one parent admitted to spending close to $100,000, it became clear that this was an industry that makes serious money. Chances are that most parents in that room sacrificed more than they had. What about the other children? What about college or retirement? I can hear Suze Orman in my head going crazy.
Some of these girls began pageants after feeling out of place or even bullied, but nothing that most girls don’t go through at that age. Still their parents felt entering them in pageants would help boost their self-confidence. What I have a hard time wrapping my head around is why you would spend so much time and energy on creating a “perfect” look and performance only to have your child stand on a stage and be judged by adults who have the ability to make a deeper impact on them than school-aged kids.
As one the stars of Toddlers and Tiaras’s Eden Wood came into frame, we see her sitting with her mom front and center at a NYC fashion show studying the models moves…at the age of 6. This was the little girl who so many of the pageant girls looked up to, including Keisha and her mom. In fact Toddlers and Tiaras prompted them into entering beauty competitions. Keisha’s mom shared stories of her broken family life with two alcoholic parents, as well as her lack of self-confidence which may have been the catalyst for encouraging her daughter to enter the pageants. “I just want her to feel like she’s worth more than what her family history is,” Keisha’s mom shared. “When people see her on that stage they just know that she looks amazing. They don’t know that her mom was pregnant when she was a teenager and you know, that’s a good feeling. I don’t feel so screwed up. I feel just normal.” It was clear that this was all about mom’s feelings of inadequacy and had very little to do with Keisha.
Of course these girls really enjoy all the attention they get from their moms and dads as they prepare and perform. They are the center of attention. What child wouldn’t want that with their parents? Unfortunately they are getting it in a way that may just land them in therapy. Placing yourself on a pedestal and asking for someone to judge you…that’s a lot of any child to take. Life can be cruel enough. Why invite it? The message they are getting is that they can’t be a winner unless they conform to pageant standards and are flawless.
Watching these girls work the stage, they hold their breath and smile praying that they are good enough. Sadly only one girl can win and all of the others are left feeling inadequate. As Keisha was in tears over her loss, her mother was angry and upset about her own choices she made that may have cost her daughter the crown. Although Keisha’s parents claim that they will love her regardless, the message is clear that society may not.
However, the sad truth is that as girls grow up they learn to judge each other and size up the “competition.” Advertising and the media have fostered this combative environment creating a multi-billion dollar industry. By making women and men feel insecure about their looks, Americans spend a ton of money trying to feel good enough. Fake tans, hair extensions and more make-up than I have ever worn…all in hopes of being chosen. None of it felt right. In a society oozing with pedophiles, it was hard to watch young girls painted up like hookers. I am sorry but I had to say it. As the emphasis continually came back to the clothing, I realized that was only part of the issue. If the little girls stood there in the clothes I may not think much of it. Where it all goes wrong is when they start with the stripper moves. Teasingly tugging on their clothes, shaking their behinds and pushing out their chest….they are little girls and someone taught them those moves. It concerns me and it should concern all of us.
When families focus on their daughters becoming reality stars and beauty queens as opposed to inventors, doctors or the President, what message are we sending our young women today? Their bodies are not their tickets to success and acceptance. So although the harmless game of dress up shouldn’t send off any alarms, it is important to begin to have these conversations with your daughters…and sons. Their beliefs will shape our future.
Lisa Ling did a great job being objective. As usual, she set everyone at ease opening up the conversation to a highly controversial topic. Change can not occur if conversations don’t happen. As expected, Our America is off to a great start.