Secrets. When I was young…knowing a secret made me special. I knew something that other people didn’t. However as I got older, I realized secrets can burrow within us and slowly make us sick, even kill us. As I watched The Judds this week on OWN, I couldn’t help but want to hug them both…throughout the show.
If you recall, last week on Naomi shared a secret she had carried with her whole life. Her first real memory as a child was being molested. She was 3 ½ years old. For 65 years, she has stuffed this truth deep inside herself. Finally she felt “I can’t keep stuff repressed and down anymore.” After holding onto something so heartbreaking her entire life, she felt her daughters deserved to know.
While on stage on the 8th day of the tour, a heaviness came over Naomi. When Wynonna was young, her mother and her had become “very enmeshed to the point of where I didn’t know where I ended and she began.” She could sense something was wrong and recognized the vulnerable state her mother was in.
Naomi had grow up in a family full of shameful and horrific secrets that impacted everything in her life. Knowing this wouldn’t go away, Naomi spoke with her close friend and manager of 20 years, Kerry Hansen. Sitting quietly in her bus, she told her how she had been molested as a young girl. When she had shared this with her husband a few years back, he asked her why she had never told her mother. At that moment…Naomi “hit the wall” and realized my “mother doesn’t love me”. Not only was she kicked out when she became pregnant at 17, but Naomi couldn’t recall her mother ever saying that she loved her. Kerry then reminded her that one of the goals of this adventure was for them to make their relationship better. Tearing down the walls of secrets could do just that. However, Naomi didn’t want “Ashley and Wynonna to know…they think I am Super Woman…I can’t go there”.
The next day, The Judds stopped in at the Hard Rock Cafe to lend some support to Wynonna’s boyfriend, Cactus Moser (no not official since he hasn’t listed it on Facebook…just saying). Wynonna met him when she was 18 years old and his band Highway 101 opened for them. She shared that she had “always been attracted to the ones that are unavailable” and was “drawn to the unhealthy relationship I had with my dad”. With this new relationship, she felt she had “new tools” that would help her to have a healthier relationship.
As the 10th day rolled around, the ladies and their entourage took a fieldtrip…to shoot guns. I am not sure who thought this one up, but I was a bit worried about handing a gun to any Judd at that point. It seemed to release not only the competitive nature, but a little stress too. Soon after, Naomi and Wynonna sat down to eat and Wynonna asked her mother how she was doing. Although she knew something was wrong, Naomi wasn’t ready to talk.
Later when working on a song with Cactus, Wynonna shared that when her mom calls her on her birthday that all she does is talk about herself….about the labor. NOW…I have to stop here for a moment. This is totally a “mom thing”…my mom does the exact same thing! Then one year she tried to NOT tell the story and everyone insisted. It had become a tradition. Now when she tells the story, we all listen and can’t help but add our own 2 cents in as she does. I think of getting a recorder at times…I don’t ever want to go a birthday without hearing her proud story.
Now back to the show…Naomi, Larry, and Ted decided to sit down and talk. Ted asked if there was anything Naomi needed to tell Ted…something that he didn’t know. She didn’t say much. Larry shared that he was scared that when Naomi ‘s mom passes, she will be disappointed about losing time. Larry encouraged her to try to reach out so she doesn’t have regrets. So…Naomi asked “are you suggesting I invite my mom” to the show. She shared a story of how her mom embarrassed her at an interview with Barbara Walters. You could tell the pain was still there. Although she was a judgmental and hurtful mom…Naomi decided to invite her mother to the concert.
Wynonna’s understanding of her mother and grandmother’s relationship was one that had a lot of giving of love and taking it back. She felt her mother lived in fear of never having a relationship with her mom. She knew that her grandmother had been cruel to her mom….a difficult situation. Wanting to save her mother from pain…Wynonna struggled to comfort her. Naomi’s mom didn’t come. Once again Naomi was left feeling rejected and sad. “The older I get, the more I long to feel known. All of us long and deserve to be know by our mothers”.
Wynonna was upset that her grandmother didn’t show up and knew it would be hard to go on with the show…but they did. Her understanding of family was “you show up regardless”. Naomi took a chance. It is hard to be vulnerable and put yourself out there, especially for someone who is already so fragile. Looking back through mature eyes, Naomi tried to move forward and make peace with her childhood.
Kudos to the OWN Network! They have done a fantastic job with this story. The vulnerability and pain these women have endured is heartbreaking. As the show progresses, hopefully both Naomi and Wynonna will find a way to heal and break down the walls of secrecy.