OWN’s newest show, Ryan and Tatum: The O’Neals, documents the journey for actress Tatum O’Neal, and her father, actor Ryan O’Neal, as they struggle to repair their bruised relationship. Dirty family secrets usually remain within the family. Unfortunately the O’Neals’ dysfunctional family life has played out in the media for decades. Leaving us all wondering how Tatum and Ryan will be able to find common ground. Relationships are never easy…especially those that last a lifetime. As we get older and realize that our time is limited, there is a sense of wanting to reconnect and make things right. Broken at times with so much resentment, how do we go about picking up the pieces?

I must admit this story was difficult for me…the daughter of an alcoholic, abusive and absent father. I’m lucky though, I never had an addiction and have always had a loving, strong and present mother in my life. Yet, when Tatum and her father interacted in this premiere, I couldn’t help but relate on so many levels. I think that is the gift of this show. Many of us have people in our lives who we wished we had better relationships with. Like a big ball of tangled string, we struggle to find out where to start to even begin to see if we can untangle it.

A brave step for any family, famous or not and especially on camera. So the next question is where do you even begin? Tatum seemed to realized this was less about fixing the old relationship, and more about creating a new, healthier one. With her abandonment and co-dependency issues and Ryan’s anger, selfishness and what appears to possibly be his own substance abuse issues, the road won’t be an easy one.

The show begins with Tatum moving back to LA to begin this journey. Unsure of the destination, Tatum asked herself “how would I feel if my father were to say get sick or die even…would I be okay? And I realized that I wouldn’t be okay.” With that and a little over a year sobriety behind her, she felt she was finally ready to deal with the relationship between her and her father.

As her 47th…I mean 35th….birthday party approached, Tatum struggled with whether or not to invite her father. Ryan had recently gotten into it with her son, Sean, and there was tension in the air. If Ryan was coming, Sean wasn’t. She took a little time with Peter, an old childhood friend, to come to peace with it. As Peter reminisced about her father chasing him and her brother with a baseball bat, he pointed out that Ryan was “Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde sometimes.” I couldn’t help but feel for Tatum. She laughed it off and I thought to myself…this was her life. No child deserves to live with so much anger and abuse. I can’t help but wonder what Ryan’s childhood must have been like.

Ultimately Tatum invited her father. As she was surrounded by friends, she couldn’t help but feel stressed about whether her father would show up for her. She hadn’t heard from him all day and was preparing herself for the disappointment. Finally her father arrived. After a pause in the driveway to sign her card, he jokes “what’s her name?…To Tantrum”. He then made his way to the house with gifts in tow. You would think that once he arrived, Tatum could relax and enjoy the evening. I mean….the flowers, the food and the table were lovely…a true gift from her longtime friend, Tarlton. BUT instead Tatum them did what many kids of alcoholics do. She watched and worried about what her father might say or do…worrying about him having a good time. “Is he going to be nice to me? Is he going to scream at me?” This was her day and she was focused on him! It was killing me. Not getting the attention he was use to, Ryan seemed to sulk a bit, until Tatum’s 20 year old, blonde friend sat down next him. Suddenly he was all charm and having a great time….making Tatum more at ease.

Feeling more comfortable, Ryan invited Tatum over to his house the following day. He was still uncertain of how it would all play out and a bit nervous about letting her into his heart again. Unsure of what to talk about, Tatum met with her sponsor, Patty, who suggested that maybe it was time for Tatum to bring up therapy. Full of nerves, she made her way to her father’s house. Cutting through the silence and tension, they both eventually agreed to give therapy a chance.

It is never too late to speak your truth and try to heal. I will never forget when I confronted my own father. Our relationship changed that day…at least for me. I had a new understanding of his life and the impact it had on mine. He is human and imperfect….like most of us, just in a different way. So when Tatum asked “I want him to love me…is that too much to ask?” The answer is no, but it won’t make up for the years you didn’t feel it. That is important to understand.

With both Ryan and Tatum feeling vulnerable, it will be difficult to find a place to start. Both of them have been hurt. Ryan due to feeling that Tatum betrayed him in her book and the fact that she didn’t invite him to her wedding…to name a few. For Tatum, the feeling of neglect and pain over her father’s anger and abuse throughout her life…that’s just the start. It won’t be easy to untangle the ball. Father-daughter relationships are complicated enough without the cameras. BUT they both are willing to try and that is what matters. With a rocky road ahead, I only hope that the O’Neals will find a safe, loving place to land.