Pam Slaton had to walk a delicate tightrope this week on OWN’s Searching For. The tension was there from the beginning. David Bandler had been searching for his birth mother for 25 years. Wow…that is nearly half his life. He was raised in a wonderful family that provided for him in every way. Frustrated at the legal system’s roadblocks, David contacted Pam 2 years ago to help him with the search for his birth mother. David actually sued the State of NY for the information regarding his adoption. As an adult he felt he shouldn’t be denied information about himself.

At this point, I felt for David but I also struggled with the feelings of his birth mother. It had to be difficult for her to make the choice to place her child up for adoption. The records were suppose to be protected so that he didn’t come back into her life asking uncomfortable questions. Who knows why she had to make these choices? Maybe those reasons still exist today. Then again, I understood David’s need to know more.

I just wonder…if we remove the privacy safeguards parents have when making the choice to place their child up for adoption, will more people choose to have abortions? If they don’t have the chance to say “NO” to meeting their child…will they not bring the child into the world? Placing a child up for adoption is a such a selfless and courageous act. If only the feelings of shame didn’t hold so many back from being open to reuniting. I also ask myself…is it worse for the child to not know their birth parents, or to know of them and be rejected? These are such difficult issues.

Although David continued to be feel hopeless about ever finding the answers, he remained curious about the events that led to him being adopted. Pam then informed him that she was able to find his birth mother. He didn’t seem prepared and was just in shock. She knew this was a delicate matter and had to help balance it for David as they moved forward. As Pam handed off his birth mother’s, Suzanne Fenyves, information including her phone number, she guided him to go with his heart…knowing he may only have one shot at this.

He made the call. It was formal and brief. Suzanne told him to call back later and he questioned if he handled it correctly. Pam was anxious and hopeful for David, but felt that Suzanne giving him a “time” to call back was a positive sign. David had to wait the whole day before he called her back that night. As David went to call her, the conversation was strained and formal once again. Eventually David was able to break the walls down with his birth mother. They went on to talk for 2 hours.

 He told Pam how his mother had been slightly irritated that he was able to acquire information about her. Luckily, she was open to talking with him again. Less than a month later, David was flying to Denver to meet his birth mother, at her request. Prior to them meeting, Suzanne shares her story of seeing him for the last time and the worries she felt for him. It was clear that she hadn’t made peace with this yet. Her and David were able to spend a few days getting to know each other…and looked forward to being a part of each other’s lives.