Looking for love on a romance tour…what are the chances of finding real love? OWN’s Lisa Ling explored marriage tours in Columbia on this week’s episode of Our America.
A Foreign Affair (AFA) ia an international “introduction” service that hooks up men with foreign women…for a few thousand dollars. Advertized as “romance or marriage tours”, at first glance it appears that so much more is for sale. During the tour, men will meet hundreds of beautiful women. “Love makes you blind, but lust makes you really, really stupid”…the founder, Ken Agee, reminded the men as they embarked on their whirlwind.
Why leave the country to find a wife? Self-proclaimed “average guy”, David claimed he was looking for a life partner. With former marriages under his belt, he seemed to be genuine and simply saw the tour as “one more way to meet women”. With a date already planned before he leaves…yes, which includes an interpreter… David packed his bags and left Houston for sizzling Columbia. So what did his family think? That he was “crazy” to think he could find anything other than fun. Stuck in a rut, he was willing to take the chance. Once David arrived in Columbia, the first woman he met was Cilia. However, before the meal even arrived at the table, Cilia had already asked if he had planned on having more children. David apologetically mentioned that he already had a vasectomy and wouldn’t be able to. To Cilia, it was important…she wanted children. WOW! Over before the meal even arrived. Talk about an awkward lunch.
Now what about the women in Columbia? Since AFA and the social are free, many women find it simply a fun way to meet someone new. It appeared many of these women were just looking for a way out and hoped to find a faithful and honest man. Apparently respect and loyalty are VERY hard to come by in Columbia. I am not so sure that America is all that different, though.
Lisa interview a young woman, Karen, who had a relationship with a man she met on a similar tour. After being courted for a few months, she became pregnant and hoped to marry…only to quickly find out that the he was actually married and had a family in the United States AND another wife in Columbia! Still she wished they could be together.
Then there was 19 year old Dayana…a beautiful young woman who believed American men were better than the partying Colombian men. Respectful, faithful and giving…what she believed American men to be. I watch and think. Are men in Columbia really that different? I know plenty of unfaithful, non-giving men here in America. (AND yes, before I get angry men all upset at me…there are good guys too). It’s the whole “the grass is greener” thing. As Dayana and her friend Rosa prepared for the social, they talk about American men. Dayana stated that “They’re beautiful. Most of them have blue and green eyes. They are divine”. I started to wonder if “Hollywood” images had tainted their perceptions about Americans. It would make sense. That was the exposure they had. AND I guess the benefit of becoming an American can make the glasses a little rosier. I can understand and don’t blame them for wanting to grab a chance at a better life.
In a room of 10 men and almost 100 women, they all knew they would have to stand out. For some it was their only chance. The cameras head back to Karen…the young single mother still searching for love. “This is a competition” she began as she explained how she needed to look her best in order to feel confident. Simply wanting a better life, they all prepare with great hopes.
Now…for the intentions of the men…half of which refuse to show their faces on camera. I have to wonder how many are there just looking for a good time. Simply taking advantage of women who want so badly to please them…to be picked. David may be the exception, but I don’t think he was the norm.
So how did the social go down? Ten tables with five women each…and one empty chair and 15 minutes. The men literally speed date around the room. More than anything I sense the women are disappointed. Some of the men were goofy, others seemed a little dirty old manish (yeah I know it isn’t a word) and others I am still hesitant about. As Karen shared her story with the last man…he didn’t even show her respect. Listen and then asked if it was time to move on. No question. Then there was Dayana who caught the attention of a man over twice her age, Lamar,..and nothing like she had hoped for. I couldn’t help but feel disgusted. This older man had his hands around her waist and was commenting on her teeth. It reminded me of slavery. By the end of the social, the men work with the interpreters to set up dates for the next day. Each girl held her breath unsure if she would be picked. For some, it was almost as if it didn’t matter who he was. This was their only chance…at least until the next tour in 5 months. However, the men still had almost 200 more women to meet on their tour.
Lisa followed up with Karen and found that she was done with feeling like she has to compete with all the other woman and is displayed like merchandise. She did leave her profile up on the website, but no longer wants to go to the group socials. She still hasn’t given up hope!
As for David….he was able to set up a date with a woman who fit him a bit better than Cilia. Maria Cristina is a business woman, a mom and a confident and happy woman. She was looking for someone to grow old with and David may be the one. In less than a day, the two were holding hands, sneaking kisses and seemed to have chemistry. The next morning David, Maria Christina and her daughter head to the beach for the day…to get to know each other better. The follow up….Lisa showed up and David was actually there. Maria seemed to really like him and feel connected. AND so did David.
As the show ended it spelled out that 5 of the 10 men found girlfriends on the tour…including Lamar. Two months later, only one couple remained….David and Maria. After a week home, David asked Maria to marry him and she said yes. I truly hope they last a lifetime.
Now…if American women married every good date they had, the average woman would have more marriages than a soap opera star. I just wonder….even if a connection was found…would it last? Could it last? I can’t help but worry about the self esteem of these women and how vulnerable they are. Although I believe some men MAY use this service to honestly try to find love…I can’t help but shake the feeling that others (who may even be in a relationship already) may not be as honorable. It would sure be hard to catch him in the act if he is out of the country….well, unless you are a Governor from South Carolina.
I really hope David and Maria Christina last..Oprah should host them on her show! such a beautiful couple.
Karen was the most beautiful one there, AND she has a sob story to boot! I for one would love to meet her (probably along with about a thousand other guys) but a retail 9-5 job ain’t much to offer her lol.
I feel like I must ask: Why are you so quick to dismiss the beliefs of these women, and conclude that they’re suffering from “grass is greener” syndrome? They live there. They know the men they’ve encountered. If they tell us that Colombian men are unfaithful and treat them without respect, I think we would be rude to disagree with them without proof or evidence to the contrary. We know more about American men than they do, clearly — but we certainly don’t know much about the men where they come from.
Are American men unfaithful? Do some objectify or otherwise abuse women? Absolutely, on both counts. However, a substantial portion of American men cherish women, and are dedicated monogamists. The women interviewed for the show didn’t say that “many” Colombian men treated them poorly. They said *all* men treated them that way. I suspect there must be exceptions to that rule, as there are always exceptions, but if these women are correct (and as I said earlier, I will do these women the courtesy of accepting their beliefs as true, given that they know far more than I do about their environment and those men) then American men may very well be an upgrade over what they have available to them there.
We then come to the question of motivation: Are those men going down there to find future wives/girlfriends, or simply a bunch of one-night stands? I believe they seek real relationships. Not because they’re white knights, rather because they *are* men, and they *do* want these women because these women are beautiful, and appealing, and usually younger than the men… Sure, the men may enjoy using these optimistic women, treating them as objects, but at the end of the week most sensible men would want something more. And if a woman is beautiful and interesting enough that she’s worth flying over and taking to bed, wouldn’t it be reasonable to conclude that such a woman would also be interesting and beautiful enough that you’d want to spend an extended period of time with her? Maybe even the rest of your life?
Nobody wants to be lonely. Or nearly nobody. I know if I’d gone down there, whether I took advantage of the “low hanging fruit” to sow some wild oats or not, I’d certainly want to take advantage of the opportunity to enter into a long-term relationship with some gorgeous woman who believed that my being an American made me a knight in shining armor, rather than making me just another guy, as an American woman would.
Thankfully, I don’t need or want to — I’m one of those lucky guys who actually found his soulmate early (high school), got married (right after college) and couldn’t be happier (fifteen years, two kids, and counting). But I know plenty of people who have struggled. Is a mail-order bride really all that much worse than endless rounds of going out to bars or trolling through some electronic dating service? Not to mention all the ridiculous rules and myths you single folks have managed to saddle yourselves with. When the wife and I go out with our single friends and hear about rules like the “third date rule”, we poke fun and we smile and we make witty or lewd remarks. But on the inside, we’re both thanking our lucky stars that it’s them, and not us.
What if she died? What if I found myself suddenly thrust into this bizarre dating ritual I’ve been poking fun of for years? I’d be totally lost. I’d stink at it. I’d end up being alone. I don’t think I’d do a mail order bride thing, but I wouldn’t view it as an impossibility. Learning Spanish would be a lot easier than learning how long I’m supposed to wait after meeting someone before I call her, or how I’m supposed to behave when I meet her so I don’t stumble through some unspoken faux pas purely through my own ignorance.
I will agree, however, that some of those guys had my “creep-o-meter” screaming at top volume. And the old guy with his paws over that sweet young girl was just plain gross. Obviously, the fact that I can see how a decent guy might use such a service doesn’t mean that *only* decent guys will use it. In fact, as you said, guys like David are probably the exception, not the rule. My heart went out to those girls, facing terribly long odds of hooking up with an American. They clearly truly wanted to believe. And equally clearly, very, very few of them would ever find anything but disappointment no matter how deserving of a good man they might have been.
I just saw the re-run of this show.
The women in Columbia are victims of a society of poverty, violence, and little respect for women.
Oddly, it was Maria Cristina, the most-successful and “Americanised” of the women, who became partnered with David, the seemingly kind, honest American man. Although he repeatedly called himself, “average”, he is clearly far more than average. He is quite successful professionally, owns a lovely home, and is very handsome.
That Maria Christina would find him appealing is not surprising; that he would be willing to help raise her daughter is exceptional.
My only question: Since these men are willing to invest so much financially and the women invest so much socially (be willing to move thousands of miles from home), WHY would the men NOT learn Spanish and the women English?
Would I, as a single mom, be willing to participate in an event of this type to meet a husband, or serious partner? I don’t know, but I do not live in horrible poverty.
I do, however, support these women and their hopes for a better life in America.
I would like to meet Karan. Perhaps we would hit it off. I could offer her trust and integrity.
The whole idea of American men going to Columbia to find women is crazy! Doesn’t America have enough immigrants legal and illegal! No I’m not some angry lonely woman I have a husband and happily married. I just think this is tooooo much!
you sooooooo don’t understand men. We think totally different from women. Of course you wouldn’t understand. It is unfathomable on your part. Read S. Freud.
After watching that video with Richard, I gotta say that poor man is very desperate to find someone or just doesn’t understand how relationships function. I have been to Mexico and Ecuador, and had a long distance relationship with women from both those countries. What I learned from that experience I will share with the men who care to listen. First, the women from these countries who have listed themselves in these date websites are looking for not just a better life, and a way out of poverty, but also certain things they dont receive from the men in thier countries. Let me tell you what I saw when I was visiting these countries.(keep in mind, this is what I saw, and I’m a very open minded person) The men rule in most latin countries, equal rights is NOT a legal right over there. second, It is not uncommon for a man to have a wife and family, and also have a lover on the side, this I saw a lot!
Some of the married women know about it, some dont, and some dont care as long as its not happening right in front of her face. Any women wants a faithful man, and a little respect, and understanding and a say in the decisions of a relationship. They rarely get this in Latin America.
Now guys, you must understand something very important! If you can’t communicate with them in thier language(spanish) you have no idea what they want or desire, and your just fooling yourself into thinking you understand them, dont’ make this mistake. Learn Spanish, it takes time, but it can be done (I did it) and learn the basics of the language.
I found many of the Latinas to be very easy to talk to, sincere, and just want a decent guy. They do have this perception that American men are the very good catches ( I still dont know why they think this) as I know many American men who are asses and just as bad as Latin men. The one thing I really give credit to the Latinas in these countries is, they are not as superficial as American women, and dont’ judge so harshly on looks and age (yes, I know men do this too) They look more at the heart and personality of a man, not so much the physical or how much money he makes. The two that I dated were about ten years younger than me, and had no problem with me being older, because they said older mature men are more stable and less irresponsible then young guys who just want to play games with love, and get them pregnant and leave them(thier words not mine)
The only reason the my last relationship didnt go futher was because she didnt want to leave Mexico and leave her mother alone (she was divorced) oh, yeah, this reminds me, latina families are VERY close and you will have to meet all her family. to this day, we are still friends. But I dont recommend long distance relationships because the distance keeps you from spending time with this person and that is what gives you the knowledge to make a good decision on if you want to marry this person or not, unless your willing to travel to her country a lot.
guess who i ran into at walmart on Fry rd. in houston??? DAVID AND MARIA CHRISTINA!!!! shook their hands and told them i love their story!!!! she is verrrrry fit in person! he looked exactly like he did on tv!!! so as of 3-30-2012 they are still together!!!