This week Searching For’s OWN Pam Slaton shared her personal story. We are constantly reminded of how Pam started her journey because of a negative experience she had with her OWN search for her biological mother. Finally we understand how it went so wrong.
Although Pam used a service, everyone knows that doesn’t guarantee a successful reunion. When Pam called her biological mother for the first time, her mother denied her. Then when Pam confronted her on it, her biological mother got defensive and angry. All that leading to the hurtful words of “I never thought about you”, “I don’t care about you” and “I don’t know what you want from me”. It was devastating and absolutely heartbreaking for someone who had hoped to find the mother she had lost.
Suddenly it was all a little clearer…on this show (and in life) Pam does her best to protect each person from feeling what she had felt so many years before. Pam believes that with each search, a little piece of her is healed. With all the wonderful work she is doing, not only is she healing herself…but she is healing so many others.
It makes me think…if you are someone who is searching for information, be careful who you choose to help you on that journey. An information seeker will give you just that…information. Hiring someone like Pam is like having a therapist at your side, helping to keep things in perspective.
With each search, people are vulnerable and most are invested. I just wish more people realized that one person doesn’t decide your worth. Take for instance Pam…her biological mother didn’t care about her. But that has nothing to with Pam. Matter of fact when Pam told us about that I thought to myself…I am glad she gave Pam up to someone who does care. Some people just don’t have it in themselves to be parents or caregivers. It was a harsh reaffirmation that Pam was lucky to be adopted by someone who did care. Who knows what kind of life her biological mother had…and I would never judge…but I am sad that she wasn’t fortunate enough to know Pam.
So…my advice is to those who are thinking about or are in the process of searching, remember it is just genetics. They do not hold your worth or value. It is great to know all the pieces, but those pieces do not determine who you are as a person. It is normal to be curious. Just be grateful for life and be proud of the work of art you have created in yourself!
IM ACTUALLY WRITTING BECAUSE I TO AM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE. MY UNCLE I HAVENT SEEN HIM IN ABOUT 11 YEARS AND I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR A LONG TIME. I WISH I COULD GET A HOLD OF THIS SHOW BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE AN EVEN GREATER RAY OF HOPE OF FINDING MY UNCLE. MORE THAN ANYTHING MY MOM HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR HIM AND SHES WAY OLDER NOW AND SHE MISSES HIM VERY MUCH. ANY INFO THAT YOU MAY HAVE PLEASE FORWARD THAT TO ME. I WATCH THE SHOW AND I THINK THAT ITS WONDERFUL TO GET FAMILY AND FRIENDS BACK TOGETHER. RUTHIE
Hi Ruthie! Thanks for writing in. I LOVE the show, too. It is such a wonderful opportunity to bring families together. You can visit the OWN Casting Page at http://www.oprah.com/own/casting_calls.html to submit yourself for the show. If you make it, come back and let us know. Good luck!
I have discovered your wonderful show “Searching For…” I missed the name of the Adoption Records that can be searched (by the numbers), It was mentioned in the Carmine Episode.
May I please have that particular information? My son-in-law is adopted and this will be useful tool.
Kindest regards,
Julie Elliott
ownayorkie63@yahoo.com
Hi Julie. I didn’t catch the name of those kind of records, but you can check out Pam Slaton’s website at http://www.pamelaobr.com/. She has a resources tab and the information may be available there or you may be able to contact her from that site to ask her. Thanks for finding our blog and GOOD LUCK to you in your search! We can’t wait for the new shows to start up!
UPDATE for Julie- I may have stumbled across what you are looking for. In the episode Pam mentioned that in the state of NY, you can go to the public library and search the “birth index lists”. The last five digits of the birth certificate number will be on the list along with the name and birthdate. I’m not sure if other states have similar systems in place, but you can always try. Best of luck and I hope this helps.