Colleen and Bob Shapel had a storybook marriage. Married for 32 wonderful years…until he was brutally murdered in February 2004. Colleen and their daughters have spent the last 7 years angry at the murderers, Jeremy Hosford and William Schorr. Bob specialized in selling high-end tools to local businesses. On the day he was murdered, he was headed home when he was flagged down by Jeremy Hosford and William Schorr. They entered Bob’s truck carrying handguns. They handcuffed him and took him to a vacant lot. They then put out the ransom call. They were holding Bob and wanted his pin numbers for his card. When his wife offered to go get the money and meet them they declined. Soon after the police and FBI were involved. The family was instructed to avoid the TV but Melissa snuck up and saw that her father’s truck was in flames. His body was found in a portable toilet. The men had taken over two and half yards of duct tape and suffocated him. It got worse. The men truly added a plastic bag and wrapped it again and then stomped on his head to be sure he was dying. A truly horrific murder. Both men were convicted and are serving more than 30 years in Washington State Penitentiaries.

As if it were yesterday, Colleen tells us that she has always wanted to meet William Schorr. She desperately wants to know if her husband mentioned them in his final thoughts. She wondered what his last words could have been. She requested to meet with both of Bob’s murderers but one declined. Only William Schorr agreed to the mediation. Although he doesn’t forgive himself and isn’t expecting them to forgive…he hopes that by meeting, the family can find some closure.

Colleen and her daughter, Melissa Haven, prepared for the meeting. Her daughter lost so much that day…her father and a little bit of her mother. Both struggling to release the anger, it is clear that Bob’s death is holding them prisoner in loss. Colleen and Melissa met with the mediator, Lorennn Walker, the day before the confrontation. They talked about what to expect and set a few respectful boundaries. As the day approached the emotions bubbled up and over. The emotions are still so raw for Colleen. Loreen then met with William to help him understand what to expect. Unsure of what to do, he wrote a letter to be sure he didn’t forget what he wanted to say. “Nobody is responsible for my actions but me.” All of the parties are feeling extremely overwhelmed.

Prior to the meeting, we are introduced to Toni Schneider, William’s mother. She showed pictures of William and talked about how he was a creative child and had been nominated for the gifted program in his school as a young boy. She then shared that at 14 years old William was molested by a teacher at school. After the traumatic event, he seemed to shut down and found himself getting into trouble. Her son’s crime broke her heart. Like most mothers, she wished she could undo her son’s mistakes. She decided she wanted to meet Colleen. I wasn’t sure how that would go…but as two mothers sat on a bench, they helped each other to heal. Toni understood her pain and expected nothing. She knew that Colleen needed to feel what she needed to. Helping Colleen to understand a little more about her son, they both found a common space….they both had lost.

As Colleen and Melissa drove to the prison, they saw Bob’s truck along the street…what they felt was a sign from Bob that he was with them today. Slowly making their way into the prison, they did their best to hold it together. William was expecting nothing but yelling and anger. It was time. He entered the room and there was silence. Melissa opened with a prayer as Colleen looked at William. She had been expecting to see more of a monster or an unkempt man who didn’t care about them or anything. He sat there clean-shaven and well groomed, something she wasn’t expecting. William began by telling a bit of his story. he shared that his parents divorced when he was 10 and that he had been bounced around from school to school. Colleen shared that she had been from a dysfunctional family. He then shared about the molestation at the hands of his school teacher – something his father blamed on William. Shocked that a father could do that to child, Colleen couldn’t help but say “how could he do that to you?”. Knowing that everyone has sad stories, Colleen knew that those were no excuse for his crime. She felt he was looking for pity. He went on to tell the story of how he died and claimed to be the guard as Jeremy killed him. After sharing stories of how he tried to kill himself multiple times, Colleen and her daughter took a break.

Frustrated that he was trying to throw a “pity party” Colleen decided it was time to share her story. William sat there quietly and listened. He then read his letter. His words seemed sincere and brought a little comfort to Bob’s wife and daughter. Melissa found herself feeling something other than hate towards him. Colleen wasn’t ready to forgive, but both her and her daughter felt they were able to move on a little. The session actually ended with a hug. I couldn’t believe it. BUT a huge burden lifted from their hearts. Both of them truly believed he was remorseful. I hope that he was, but even if he wasn’t Colleen and her daughters are relieved and living more. Their lives have changed and finally they have found some closure. No longer is all of their energy focused on their father…they are now focused on living. Within a couple of months, Colleen found that she was able to forgive. A huge change from the beginning of this process.