in 2012, i sat across the table from Oprah as she smiled and i worked to stay in the moment. in hindsight, a gift before a long journey. i still remember the pink flowers and how the energy felt in the room…

in late 2012, we found out my mother had cancer. her doctor called and I answered it. he said, “it looks like cancer. i have a really good oncologist i want to get her into right away.” then…when mom woke up from her nap, i told her…”you have cancer mom. i’m so sorry.” and we cried…and so the ride began.

my sisters came together. we put dreams and life on hold and shifted focus to what i thought would be to heal my mom. instead, it was to hold her hand through her journey. when she would collapse, i would come running to sit on the floor with her until we could both get her up and safely into bed. when she had chemo, i sat by her side…sometimes stood if there were no chairs for me…every single session. in quiet times, we would lie in bed and talk about if we still ate red meat, we’d eat salisbury steak…we would hold hands and laugh and cry…but she never really talked about dying.

one day in the stillness she said, “i want you to contact Duke University.” at first, i thought it was to see if they had any medical trials for her to get involved in. then she explained, “i want to donate my body.  maybe I will inspire someone. maybe a future doctor will find a cure by studying me.” that was all she ever talked about dying. until her last breath, all her energy was focused on living…

on november 16th, she died.
the same day 1500 miles away, my dad went into the hospital. he died 3 weeks later at home.
suddenly, alone felt very real.

so follows all of the stages of grief and the rolling waves of emotions and sadness…the fog, the darkness, the tears, the loss of way and sense of self. and the balance…absolutely no balance…

during all of this… Oprah announced her Life You Want Weekend Tour.

i’ve never talked about how OWN and Oprah’s network prepared me for the journey with my mom. So many times, lessons from my Super Soul Sunday bag of tricks would be the only thing that kept me going. When I would break into tears and despair in the hospital hallways, it was Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s lesson to allow myself 90 seconds for the wave to pass…and then, i would pull myself back together and become strong again so i could reenter the room or handle the situation. it’s was Oprah’s words of “see this as a gift…every gesture as kindness and everything will change…” that reminded me daily that every single moment…every single second…every single selfie was a gift of more time and more of mom, which helped keep me in the posture of gratitude and love.   Dr. Dyer, Deepak, Michael Singer, DeVon Franklin, Elizabeth Gilbert, Wake Up, I Am, Open Your Heart, Find Your Power, Make a shift….all lessons gifted to me from OWN programs. And all embedded in my soul like pillars of reinforcements to hold me up when it felt like so much was collapsing around me…

so…the tour…
early this year when Oprah announced it, i told myself…”by October, maybe i’ll be standing again and ready for the life i want to live and more light to take over where darkness had seeped in and become too familiar.

and this time, it’s not just 2 sisters…but all 3 of us.
because as we have grown closer in this journey, i’ve come to realize that my sisters and i are like the legs of a table…we hold each other up…help to keep each other steady…support each other no matter what.
and we all need to be reminded of how to move towards the life we want…
the joy…the healing…the inspiration…the kindness…the balance…

full of gratitude, i will sit…maybe lucky enough to be in the middle seat ( as i AM the middle sister)
holding the hands of both of my sisters…
and this weekend will be life changing for all of us…
and this weekend will be part of the healing…
A coast to coast journey.
Los Angeles 2012.
Miami 2014.
A journey traveled…
A full circle moment…that hasn’t even happened…
A lifetime…
moving towards the life i want…
trying to find my balance and understand what that now looks like…
and honoring all the moments of getting me there…
and all the lessons collected along the way…
with deep love and gratitude…
Oprah…we’ll see you in Miami.