This week’s Our America didn’t disappoint. OWN’s Lisa Ling traveled around the back-roads of our country to give us a better understanding of transgender lifestyles. The stories that the network highlighted gave us an expanded view on being transgender through the lives of a young girl, a teenage boy, a young man and a couple of middle aged women. Each story enlightened us on a different level and hopefully helped America to have a better understanding of transgender lifestyles.  

As I watched each person’s unique stories, I couldn’t help but admire them and their courage. The show began with David, a 42 year old now living as DL (not sure how she spells it). A woman trapped in the body of a man. As she told her story of hiding this secret her whole life and even becoming a firefighter, I am sad for her. She lost her family, kids, house and everything she had worked for over the years. All so she could be her true self. I can only begin to imagine the pain his wife and kids felt by this HUGE secret that DL had hidden. After abusing alcohol to hide the pain, she found herself having suicidal thoughts. She realized she had to be her true self or it was going to kill her. She lives with pain she caused her family. It must be horrible to have to lose your family to not feel like a foreigner in your own body. DL ends up having 7 hours of surgery to redo her cheeks, brow, breasts, nose and lip area…all to hopefully change the stranger in the mirror. Eventually she will have genital reassignment when she can afford it. For now, she steps into the world as a butterfly, ready for a better life.  

Then I am introduced to the cutest little girl. At 6 ½ years old, Hailey has always felt as if she was a girl. Although she was born Harry, Hailey renamed herself. She knew. Her parents Barb and Steve, recognized signs earl on. She was feminine ever since she could express herself. She didn’t just “prefer” girl stuff, she literally drew self photos depicting herself as female. Then one day, a teacher informed the parents that (at that time) Harry was arguing with the boys in the class stating “I am not a boy. I’m a girl!” When OWN’s Lisa Ling asked Hailey is she liked the name Harry, she simply whispered “it’s just not me”. Her father Steve, a Sunday school teacher, dealt with feelings of embarrassment and shame. He was forced to question his own beliefs. In the end, he believed his child was exactly who she was…the way God made her.  

I was amazed at how both the mother and father allowed this young girl to be herself. Many transgender people grow up hating their bodies, have high rates of depression, suffer from drug abuse and even commit suicide. Hailey’s parents felt they needed to raise a healthy child that wasn’t living in shame or secrecy. Her father shares an intimate moment and he tears up when he worries “who is going to love my child? Who is going to fall in love with her?” It isn’t that Hailey isn’t loveable, but her parents know the road ahead will be hard. As an adorable child, it is easier. Once Hailey hits puberty and starts to develop, it will only get harder. I only hope by that time the world has a better understanding and is far more accepting. As for Hailey, she is teaching the world so much! 

Next came a young 18 year old boy, Landon. “Living with my body is like living with a deformity. It’s just really gross to me” shares Landon on the fact that he was born a girl. His mother was like many mothers. She felt Landon was growing up and that her daughter was just gay. As our OWN Lisa Ling points out though “being transgender is not the same as being gay”. It has everything to do with the gender a person identifies with in their brain. After a lot of talk and confirming with Landon that he was 100% sure, Landon was allowed to get testosterone injections. Landon’s mom “trusts that he knows”. Although little overwhelmed by the change and process, Landon has no regrets. Within about 6 months, he should start to develop the male attributes he always dreamed about. His mom put it so simply…“the shell is not who your child is”.  

Next on the show as 32 year old, Tan. Although biologically he was born female as Tanya, he never felt right. He began taking testosterone about 3 months ago and his confidence is through the roof. He is finally starting to feel like the man he always felt he was. By just looking at him, you would never know. He just looks like a pretty boy…but all buffed up with muscles everywhere! In time, he is hoping to get surgery to remove his breasts. His mother watches her daughter transform each day more and more and feels “like I am losing my daughter”. She knows in time she will learn to deal with it. In the meantime, Tan appears to be the happiest he has ever been. He even called an old girlfriend that he had broken up with due to his own issues with his body. He tells her he loves her and wonders if they have another chance. She tells him “you never know” and that he needs to take time for himself and see where his head is at. Smart girl! His life is changing faster than he can even imagine. Let it settle, breathe and then figure the rest out.

Finally there is Michelle who was born Mitchell. As a married man, he could no longer hold down the feelings he had experienced. He began cross-dressing and his wife eventually figured things out. His wife felt what happened in their home was no one’s business and stayed with Mitchell. In time, Mitchell told his wife that he needed to transition to being female all the time. His wife, Deb, made the choice to stay. She didn’t want to break up family and loved him. Deb felt “the outside just looks a little different, but it’s still the same person in the heart”. As Michelle stands in front of the mirror in all her glory, she smiles and says “I just really like myself now. This is really me, as opposed to who I was before.” Michelle’s family is very supportive and they have found a new relationship build on the strength of the old one. If only all families could have such unconditional love, then maybe more people would feel safe to be who they really are.

Thank you OWN and Lisa Ling for another great story about our OWN America!