OH it was so nice to have another fresh episode of Ryan and Tatum: The O’Neals on OWN. This show has really grown on me. The episode kicked off with Ryan asking his daughter to accompany him to the doctor. She seemed so excited about being included in this simple task. It is strange. Between my sister and I, we have been to all of my mother’s appointments with her….something I have taken for granted. I could only imagine that Tatum must have felt wanted, something that she probably didn’t feel often with her father. It was a wonderful way to begin the episode. 

Set on testing the boundaries, Tatum and Ryan decided to take a trip to Palm Springs for a special screening of Paper Moon. While enjoying lunch, Tatum decided to bring up the topic of Ryan discussing his anger issues with his therapist. Just wanting to finish his meal, Ryan simply says “OK Tatum. Can I have some chicken first?” I have seen this play out so many times in my own life. Feeling so desperate for a parent to change and fear that they won’t. Allowing yourself to hope is so difficult. It just seemed as if Tatum was pushing her father to start the cycle and just let her down….an old routine. Sometime it is more scary to hope than to accept. Expecting the worst, Tatum gently pushed the buttons to test. As the meal concluded, Ryan wasn’t sure about wanting to go to Palm Springs….something Tatum knew might happen. 

With the uncomfortableness there, Ryan struggled with the hard moments he and Tatum kept having. However he moved forward with making plans to head to Palm Springs. He invited both Marketa and Farrah’s old hairdresser, Mela, to come along. Maybe he was hoping they would neutralize the waters. After getting a few details from Marketa about her conversation with Ryan, Tatum reached out to her father. “Are you mad at me?” she asked. He wasn’t mad just didn’t understand why she had to go there. With so much stuff from the past, I can only imagine it is hard for Tatum to NOT go there at times. Good news…the trip was still on.

Reliving the lunch with his therapist, Ryan divulged a story about fighting with a man and his wife during a movie…all because they had shushed his family when they were talking. Speaking unapologetically, he shared the story how he threw the wife and got into a “fight for his life” in the darkened theater. Sometimes these stories just rock me to the bone. For a man to hit anyone, but especially a woman, is simply unspeakable. How can anyone’s moral compass allow them to do this? You don’t have to be religious to understand that no soul is worth less than any other soul. All I can hear in my head is “they just don’t get it.” SO back to the Ryan’s session…the therapist reminded him that “being a fighter is a very good thing”, but that he needed to decide who he was going to fight and what he was going to fight for. “Her” Ryan says.

Unable to recall the last time they went anywhere together, both Ryan and Tatum were feeling a bit nervous. Tatum worked in a prayer and even prepared a list of things to talk about to help ease her anxiety. With the bags and pups all loaded in (yes, Pickles and Mozart got to go), Ryan and Tatum headed off for their two hour road trip to Palm Springs. Just saying, traveling with dogs…doesn’t make it less stressful. Talking a little about Tatum’s mom, Joanna Moore, seemed to bring up a lot for them. When Tatum asked what he would change if he could, Ryan said “my disposition, my treatment of the women in my life.” He went on “I was hard on women. I wonder if it was my broken marriage to your mother that took me off my game? I fought a lot with her.” He shared how he and Joanna had fought a lot and from then on he fought with everyone….”it was easy.” With all the memories, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was bringing them both down a bit. As the ride came to a stop, they were both still alive and still talking…a good trip so far!

As Marketa and Mela arrived, with two more dogs, it began to get a little crowded for Tatum. Suddenly she was sharing her father on a weekend that was to be more about them. Palm Springs wasn’t the easiest place to be. This was the place her mother had lived and died. So much that Tatum hadn’t learned about her mother. You can’t help but feel nostalgic. Recalling some of the happy memories Tatum had with her father on his motorcycle, she encouraged the group to mount a few ATVs. Creating a few joyful memories, it was nice to see them letting loose and enjoying each other’s company.

Then as the day of the screening came, Tatum was unable to find her father. Leaving message after message she couldn’t help but wonder where he was at emotionally. Finally meeting up before the screening, Ryan accounts for his vanishing act as him spending time in his “cave”.  As he shushed Tatum (personally not a fan of shhhh) when she asked what was going on, it was clear something was bothering him.  However, he just wanted to move forward and not go there. I can’t help but wonder if all the talk of regrets, of Joanna and the memories of making Paper Moon were a bit too much.

A red carpet, reporters and two lonely chairs on stage…The O’Neals were in the house. As they answered questions about the making of the film in front of an intimate audience, it was clear that there was a lot of love. A full circle moment….finally things seemed to be getting back on track. Taking time to sign autographs, both Tatum and Ryan got an unexpected surprise. An older man stepped up and told her that he had known her mother. Next thing you know, Tatum is standing outside of a home where her mother use to live. Trying to identify with anything that was connected to her mom. I can’t even imagine losing a parent…especially one where there are so many more questions and words to be said. I am lucky. My mom always taught me to go to bed with a clear head. So many “I love yous” fly around my home at nighttime; it has almost become an obsessive thing. I know that if I died today, everyone that matters to me knows exactly how much I love them. All of my important questions have been asked and all is at peace. That is important. I can understand why Tatum felt the need to take this journey. What is left unsaid is often the most difficult to live with.

As for the teaser for next week…Ryan goads Tatum with comments about tequila and they both head for their first therapy session together. OH MY!