The O’Neals began in sync this week. “Us against the world. Not us against each other,” they say. But they soon found that their journeys were both very different for each of them.
Winning an Academy Award for her very first film, Tatum appeared to have a childhood that one could only dream of. Unbeknownst to the world, her life was far from perfect. Her mother, Joanna Moore, was an actress who had her own issues. At the age of six, her mother sent both Tatum and her brother to live with their father while she struggled with her own addictions to speed and alcohol. A difficult life for a child. So there she was….a young girl without a mom to hold her, show her love or nurture her. She did however have a father who was present but even with all the women he dated, “no real woman ever came in and sort of took the role of mom,” Tatum shared.
Optimistically, Tatum began the episode by heading over to her father’s house. Although he had already agreed to counseling, she was worrying about what was to come. Both of them were hoping the therapist would help to bring peace to their family. As the show played, I found it difficult to listen to Ryan speak of Farrah. Stuck in the honeymoon phase, he almost appeared obsessed with her. Admitting that he abandoned his kids when Farrah came along, it seems like he felt justified. “I know what I wanted. I wanted her.” How can a father say that to his child? He choose a woman over his own children. I get it…Farrah was beautiful and probably made him the envy of many, but seriously? Parents that don’t put their children first tend to be selfish and give their attention to what gratifiesthe most important person in their lives – themselves. It was simple. Ryan’s happiness with his new relationship was more important than maintaining a relationship with his children. No wonder Tatum has grown up feeling so rejected.
Ryan seemed to think that all of their issues surround Tatum’s jealousy for her father choosing Farrah over her. He recognized the price he paid for walking away. He sacrificed his relationship with his children. Sadly, I don’t think he regrets it. I’m not sure he truly understands what he has lost. For Tatum, it appeared to be so much more and had little to do with Farrah. Her father had abandoned her, yes, but even more troubling was his temper. Having someone in your life who explodes all the time is emotionally draining, not to mention physically dangerous. “I fight with everybody, Tatum, not just you. It’s nothing personal,” Ryan tells her.
As his first day of therapy approached, Ryan decided it was time to bring a new puppy into his life. Following a successful meeting with the cat, Mozart joined the O’Neal family. You would think that Ryan would be so busy with Mozart that there would be no room for drama in his day…but wrong. Here’s the quick low-down…Marketa (Ryan’s assistant and muse – yeah, I know) also works for Tatum. They “share” her. (Poor Marketa). Well, Ryan wanted her to bring fruit and she was busy with Tatum…and he got jealous and threw a mini-tantrum. Result….Marketa became Tatum’s employee. Not sure how Marketa felt about it all, but I can’t imagine being in-between Ryan and Tatum is the safest place to be.
Watching the two interact, it like they are both playing with gasoline and a match. It doesn’t take much to push each other’s buttons. That can happen in relationships where people push everything down and don’t deal with it. Like anything flamable, you can only play wiht fire so much before it burns. Before any more fires…this is the perfect time to begin therapy.
As both Ryan and Tatum set off to separate therapists, they both hoped to start the healing process that would bring them closer together. Ryan struggled to deal with how Tatum could have left him for so long. Tatum spoke of the physical and emotional abuse that occurred in her life which led her to an array of emotions. Telling the truth, opening old wounds, feelings of guilt for divulging dark family secrets….it can really take a toll on someone. Ryan shared that he liked the therapy session and had already set another appointment up. Tatum seemed emotionally drained and a little bummed that she couldn’t say the same. Instead, it seemed to be setting her back. Worried about getting caught up in the trauma of the past, Tatum found that it was not helping her to move forward with her father and decided that she wanted a different experience.
Ending a day together at the pet store and back to the beach house, Redmond, Tatum and Ryan were able to hang out a bit. As Tatum went to leave, there was a moment for me where I saw truth and love. Tatum was leaving andas Ryan held his new puppy, Mozart, he quietly said to Redmond “Walk her out. See if she’s okay,” and even followed this with a “Thank you.” It was just a moment, but within it you could tell that there was genuine love. Plus, I have parked on the Pacific Coast Highway before and it is crazy getting out of the driveways and back on the road.
As Ryan headed into his second therapist session, he had to bring Mozart to show him off… a proud papa. As he delved deeper he spoke of abandoning Tatum when Farrah came along and how he didn’t trust Tatum to not leave again. He admitted feeling afraid to believe that Tatum was back and loved him again. “As soon as I do that she won’t be back and she won’t love me anymore.” Nervous about the rug being pulled out from under him, Ryan shared his own abandonment fears. Finaly he was starting to figure out what this was all about. Overall a very good session for Ryan.
Tatum’s session didn’t go as well. I am worried for her. The session brought back so much for Tatum….things that she would rather not think about. But the neglect, the abuse, and residual anger is all still there. It is still so raw. It made me sad to watch her hurting. She was reliving these childhood memories as a helpless child and not as an adult survivor. We didn’t see the entire session and it is possible they went into things much more deeply. I can’t help but think…it is important to understand what broke us as a children, so we can mend and end the cycles. Tatum may or may not have issues with her temper, but I would guess that her addictions stem from her own childhood issues. By neglecting them in therapy, she is merely putting a band-aid on a festering wound that could some day kill her. As a daughter with some serious daddy issues of my own, my peace came in understanding the affects of my father’s behavior. He may have been emotionally abusive andhave abandoned me, but it had NOTHING to do with me. It was his to own, not mine. Realizing that your parent is not only imperfect but heavily flawed is difficult. But it is the truth and the truth will set you free. Yet…with the cameras and lot coming down at once, I can imagine it may be just a bit too much for Tatum to handle at this time.
Coming together in the end for dinner, Tatum still couldn’t shake the sadness she felt from her session. Ryan reassured her that he was there for her. Tatum seemed to realize that going back to the harder years, around ages fourteen to twenty,was too hard on her. With enough therapy from over the years, she felt she had the tools to mend and decided to drop out of her sessions. However, she did ask her father to continue to which he replied “Done. Let’s do that. Whatever that takes.” Then Ryan looked at his daughter and said, “Trust me we’ll get through this…I feel a lot of love for you.” Tatum seemed like she was able to see a vulnerable side of her father as he told her how he was a nervous that she’d bolt, “so I don’t want to give you everything, because I don’t want to get hurt.” I am beginning to think that Ryan and Tatum need to have all of their conversations in public. They seem to go so much better! With only a little therapy and two episodes under their belt, it appears that the O’Neals have a good shot at landing on their feet.