After working a bit on her soul in the past episode, Sarah realized it was time to turn her attention to her body. She admitted through out her life she has eaten in order to medicate her unhappiness. “When my mother left me, I turned to sweets for comfort and I’ve been using food to numb my feelings ever since.” It is easy to understand why Sarah would have such a difficult time with her own skin…for so long the media has pounced on her and torn her image to shreds. I can’t help but wonder if she would have been a model, would the media have been so horrible to her? True there have been issues, but it can’t be easy to be plucked apart by the media non-stop. So…it is understandable that Sarah has a few issues with her own self worth.
How does the Duchess go about kicking her body image issue? A life or death challenge of course! After being “Dr. Philirized and Suze Omerized”, Sarah was ready to tackle her physical issues with Ray Zahab who specialized in extreme challenges. His plan…they were going to be dropped off in Canada’s artic. From there they will make their way 26 miles to Yellowknife and civilization.
Yellowknife has special meaning to Sarah. 25 years earlier, her and Andrew vacationed there for their honeymoon. So…not only was Sarah going to try to make it out alive, she was working towards something that reminded her of what she had lost. It wasn’t going to be easy. Ray noted that with temperatures as low as -50 and exposed flesh would freeze instantly. OMG! What is Sarah getting herself into? This was going to be rough and just what Sarah needed to build confidence and trust in her own body.
Over the next 5 weeks, Sarah needed to get in shape physically and mentally. She began with her trainer, Aaron Ferguson. Realizing that this challenge will be as mental as it is physical, her trainer got to work immediately. First task…dragging a tire down the street. As she jogged head down with the tire fastened around her waste, I was amazed at her courage. She wasn’t in some fancy studio, she was running down the street with a symbolic load trying to hold her back. There was a point to it…the tire was around the same resistance as her sled will be in the artic.
Following a 4 mile hike in the Malibu hills, Sarah stopped for a moment to take it all in. She knew she still had a lot of work ahead of her, but felt empowered and determined to be ready. I had no idea how truly brave she was though…the Duchess actually had her body fat tested on national television. I can safely safe that the majority of people would NOT do that. Motivated to lose 13 pounds, Sarah remained focused and fired up about her training.
During her workouts, Sarah and her trainer, Aaron talked a little about relationships. “I have never got over the failure of my marriage. So it’s been really hard to move on in my personal life. And I have also discovered that if I can not learn to love myself, there’s no way that I’ll ever be able to love anyone else,” Sarah shared when she talked about wanting a companion. You could tell she felt lonely. Aaron asked her about getting back with Andrew. Sarah simply relied “I don’t think they’ll have me back”. Full of regrets that she didn’t fight harder to hold onto her marriage, it was clear that the topic was bringing her down. To make matters worse, the engagement of Prince William and Kate was all over the news. As she watched the details of the upcoming marriage, Sarah found herself falling into old self-sabotaging habits. The regrets were too much.
On her next hike, she confided in Aaron that “food was my only friend” and the problem needed to be gently handled. An emotional mess for the majority of the hike, Sarah allowed doubts to creep in. Ready to give up, Sarah knew she needed to talk to someone. I am so proud of her. Instead of reaching for food, she reached out to Dr. Phil.
Sarah reminded herself that at one time she had everything, just like Kate, but she “blew it.” Dr. Phil helped to refocus Sarah. “What will your legacy be?” Is it all about a bad marriage or what she creates front this point on? However Sarah was still engulfed in guilt and unable to forgive herself. Dr. Phil asked, “Did you have a bad intention with any of the mistakes that you made? Were you trying to sabotage your marriage? Were you trying to sabotage your reputation?” The intention was important and matters. But still…Sarah struggled with how to live with hurting someone you love and having to see the pain you have caused. With all the mistakes, her intentions were never ill-willed. That was important. There has to be a point where you tell yourself “that was who I was then and this is who I am now.” You may have made mistakes but you learn and become stronger. I personally believe that within every tear lies a lesson. The question is whether or not you allow yourself to learn and grow from it. Once you do that, you can move forward….leaving the guilt behind.
As Sarah shared her regrets and love for Andrew, I couldn’t help but wonder if they truly are heading for reconciliation or is it holding her back from moving on with her life? Dr. Phil had to ask…is it healthy to be living with your ex? Noting that they travel so much and rarely are together, Sarah admitted her and Andrew discussed the topic freely. Because of that, she felt it was healthy. Still I have to wonder…if they aren’t going to reconcile, I think she needs to find a way to distance herself. Otherwise, she will never be able to find love again. It may not be as grand or wonderful, but she deserves love.
Powering through her next hike up the sand dunes, Sarah was back on track. It is amazing how much your mental affects your physical. She approached the challenges with new enthusiasm and finally felt emotionally and physically ready to take on the life or death challenge at Yellowknife. Something tells me that she will be victorious in the end.