The second season of “Our America with Lisa Ling” came with hooker heels and amateur porn. What was once sacred between couples is now being shared with the world. Secret lives of women and men who have taken their fantasies to the next level and are now broadcasting it to the world.

The show began with 50 year old Ciara and her husband of 20 years, Patrick. As Ciara parades around with very little one, her husband directs her motions from behind the camera. I had to ask myself, is this the modern day pimp? The videos are loaded on a website where her “fans” . “Commercial pornography bores the hell out of me. I’m a very sexual person but porn itself is so repetitive that you’ve watched one and you’ve pretty much seen them all” he explained. “We try to put a little art into and make it a little more tasteful.” Ciara then walked us through her closet explaining her love for dressing up and playing out her fantasies. In her day life she played the role of mother, wife, grandmother, real estate agent and country-club wife…one of the local best. No one had any idea about her secret life. When money began to get tight during the recession, they struggled to find a way to make extra cash so they could maintain their extravagant lifestyle. That was when her friend pointed her to online porn. As for her new job…“I’d rank it right up there with winning American Idol or being in a rock band and traveling around on tour”. I get it. She was getting older and this made her feel young and alive. I am just curious at what cost to her spirit?

Tears were in her eyes as she shared the story of her first gig away from home. It was clear that she felt obligated to go through with it and she felt powerless. The story reminded me of the girls you would her talking about their first client…and the tears they would cry as there was no turning back (or so they thought). The loss of control was hard on their marriage. Now Patrick controls the camera and Ciara is a solo act in the role of a housewife living the life of leisure. A cocktail is her go to prop which “eases her inhibitions”. My thoughts….if you have to drink to do something, you are probably silencing your inner whisper and don’t belong there.

Shockingly Lisa shared that Sunday is the most popular day for porn…a day that society set aside for church and rest. It just seems so crazy to me. As many people headed home from church, Ciara sat in front of her computer enticing men to take her into a private session where she makes her money. “If you’re legal, I love you”. Because of her age, she seemed to be playing a lot of mommy roles. If she is able to get just an hour of private time a day, she will bring home $600 for the week. I had to pause.

So for one full hour of doing whatever someone wants you to do sexually, you get less than a $100. Wow! That is a small price to sell yourself…all so you don’t lose your country club membership. I know…I know…I am trying not to judge but damn! Although their consequences seem so remote, I have come to realize that the world is small. Now, they have an entire website dedicated to her and they decided it was time to tell their daughter. Worried that someone else may spill the beans, they knew it was time. Anytime you hide a side of yourself from someone you love, a break comes in your relationship. You trust and find that you have been deceived on some level. That is hard.

When Lisa followed up with her, Ciara shared how devastated her daughter felt. She was worried that her career and lifestyle would be affected due to her mother’s choices. Normally I would say it is her life and you have no right, but what if her daughter is a teacher? It WILL be an issue in a small town in the South. We aren’t in this world alone. We are all connected and the choices we have make an impact on those around us. Despite her daughter’s reaction, Ciara decided to continue and hope that her daughter comes around. When Lisa asked her if she was able to turn back, Ciara said “I guess I could turn back” but she didn’t think she would. Caught between two worlds and unable to find peace in either. As they begin to add girls to their own site, I wonder how it will affect their relationship. Richard hasn’t filmed other women and this may be an issue for Ciara down the road as her husband works closely with younger or prettier women. I mean…this is about sex. As for Ciara’s choices, I believe in time she will realize that nothing is more important than family.

Lisa introduced another couple….24 year old Tyler and his year 21 old girlfriend Berkley. They spend their days with their 20 month old daughter and their nights making amateur porn. As a young struggling couple, they had a hard time finding help and making ends meet. Revisiting an unfinished cabin in the woods where they had lived, Tyler explained it was no place to raise a kid. Once again a friend approached them and exposed them to the world of amateur porn. Within 30 minutes of posting their first video, they had made $300…almost more than what it took Tyler a week to earn. They were done with normal jobs. “We’re proud of it” they shared – no longer wanting to hide their secret. They want to be good, normal parents, but is doing porn while your daughter sleeps normal? “This kind of job is helping us get closer and closer to college.” They want to find trades and move beyond this eventually but know that it is serving a purpose at this time. It isn’t about the fantasies…it is about the opportunities. Within a minute of Tyler and Berkley logging on with their baby monitor turned to low, they were in a private room performing for a client. Earning only 25% of the hosting sites’ intake. Yet, with all the traffic they get they still felt it was worth it. I struggle….what does it say about us in society when young couples make more money doing porn than working hard? It is the same argument with selling drugs. When does it become okay to do it, or does it ever?

Then Lisa introduced us to a couple who were almost destroyed by their choices to do make amateur porn, 25 year old Julie and 27 year old Richard. Together for 5 years, “It’s caused problems with our family. It’s caused problems in our sex life. It’s caused problems with how we function day to day.” It wasn’t until their world came crashing around them. At 18, Julie began live-camming where she was directed by viewers to do sexual things. Throughout her life she was sexually abused. She always felt like an object. In amateur porn, she found a familiar place that measured her self-worth in sex. It wasn’t until she met Richard in an online music chat room that she realized there were healthier relationships out there for her. “He understood me for who I was and he accepted me for who I was”. Shortly after they were married, she asked her husband to join her in an online couple’s site. It wasn’t about the money. It was about feeling attractive and desired. They felt safe and in power. “In the privacy in their home having sex live online felt safe and untraceable”. Then one day they found out they were being recorded, spread around multiple websites and downloaded by thousands. No longer was it live…it was viral. Richard stopped immediately, but the pull was too strong for Julie and the addiction was harder to kick. Soon her focus became the men online and Richard became a customer. Both of their lives were wrapped up in porn….leaving little space for them as a couple. When Julie found his secret stash of porn that he had downloaded, they knew they needed help and headed to their first couple’s counseling. Today they are still working to repair their lives from the damage caused by amateur porn.

I am trying hard to not be judgmental. I know it isn’t my place, but I can’t help but wonder what is happening to our society. With a plethora of reality shows exposing every facet of our world, I guess it was only time. At one point society shunned people who made choices like these…in hopes of deterring others from making the same choice. This can’t be healthy for ANY relationship. When money starts to make your decisions, you are in trouble. It is the influence of kids and young adults that worry me. The temptation of money and adoration entices good people to make bad choices. I don’t know and I am trying hard not to judge. If you have no food or money, you have to do what you can. But is this really the only choice? Some see this as “easy” money in exchange for moral values. And then there are young girls who like the attention of feeling pretty and wanted – they could easily slide into this realm. However, isn’t this still prostitution? Maybe the new term is “soft prostitution”. I recall watching specials on women in brothels saying that they felt they were in charge. They made the money and the decisions. But I have to wonder if that is really a false sense of ownership since they are clearly being used…just like with amateur porn, except now hosting sites are the pimps.

As I watched the credits, my thoughts went to each of these individuals and how they are coping with their secret lives being broadcast to the world. It is easy to get lost in your home and feel safe, but once you sign on to the internet there are not walls and your neighbors see everything…literally.