With the perceptive Debbie Ford at the wheel of the latest documentary film, “The Shadow Effect”, OWN’s Super Soul Sunday viewers were given yet another lesson in loving ourselves. Beginning her journey passed out on the cold floor after a night of partying, Debbie knows all about the haunting effects of shadows and luckily for us, she shared her experiences.
Once again with one foot out of the door at rehab, Debbie found herself on another cold floor praying for the strength to get clean. It didn’t take long for her to find that peace and motivation to heal and discover her own shadow. Shadows are the secrets we hide from the world and often ourselves. The things we are too embarrassed or hold too much shame to talk about. The tales that we don’t even tell our closest loved ones for fear they will look at us differently. We all have them…it is normal.
But what we learned from Deepak Chopra in “The Shadow Effect” is that “the only time you don’t have a shadow is if you’re standing in the darkness.” Everyone has a shadow. In fact, the film argued that everything we conceive is already within us. In order to know selfishness….you had to have experienced selfishness. In order to recognize anger….you would have had to experience it yourself. It totally makes sense. So when people judge others, they are really passing judgment on themselves. “Right now hundreds of millions of people are living in denial of their individual shadow,” Debbie informed us. AND our collective shadows, or energy as many call it, reveals itself as evil…war, terrorism, social injustice, economic inequities. The more we become aware of our own shadows, the better chance the world can begin to heal.
Many of us fear the judgment and possibility of feeling rejected so we create a persona that we believe will bring us the acceptance and love we crave. Debbie warned of the dangers of repressing your shadows with the help of a few beach balls. The balls demonstrated our shadows. As a swimmer tried to hold them underwater, we watched as the words shoot to the surface. Just because we stuff the feelings and insecurities deep down….they always find a way to rise and demand your attention. “Either you are going to use it or it’s going to use you.”
So the question is how do you know if you are projecting or if you are dealing with your own stuff? The general rule seemed to be that if you are being given new information, then it isn’t projecting. BUT if you are talking about something familiar, most likely you are standing in your own shadow. If you find that there is a reoccurring theme in your life or relationships….chances are you are living in your shadow. “What we judge or condemn in another is ultimately a disowned or rejected part of ourselves.”
It is normal that when you encounter negative energy that you jump to defend yourself. It is a survival mechanism. But you have control over that reaction and the ability to recognize it for what it is. Because the truth is that if you don’t deal with your shadow, it will deal with you. We all have problems and insecurities. Most people harbor shame over our deepest inadequacies. Some bigger than others, but we all have them. It’s normal. You haven’t lived if you don’t have a shadow. “The Shadow Effect” offered us words of encouragement that “as we move through our shadows we can reclaim our light.”
The key to moving on is recognition of your own shadow, acceptance of it and forgiveness. Forgiveness is truly the key to freeing yourself…for it is our shame that can trap and devastate us. To truly see yourself you must see the dark as well as the light. Know that those moments and thoughts have created the person you are today. We are told to “step out of the smallness of your deepest thoughts and into the brilliance of your dreams.”
Many of us have fears of sharing our shadow. No one wants to risk feeling unlovable and not good enough. But the sooner we realize that everyone’s shadow allows for their light, we will all be better off. Shame is the chain around growth. Break free from yours!