Insisting on driving herself to Oprah’s home in Santa Barbara, Sarah set out for the finale with a new found confidence. Her journey had come full circle. Sitting in Oprah’s home, she shared how she finally felt as if she had control in her life. As if talking to an old friend, Oprah asked her why she chose to do the physical challenge to Yellowknife. Sarah told her that she had hoped to get fit mind, body and soul. With pushing for the challenge she hoped she could get her weight back in line…something that like her life had become out of control. Looking back she realized that it was a bit of punishment for herself. No longer feeling the need to prove herself, Sarah was comfortable with her knowing her own limits.
“I thought…oh, you’re where I was when I was 22,” Oprah told Sarah when reflecting back on the interview they had done after the scandal. “I know that all mistakes are the same. All pain is the same, but it comes in different forms to different people.” Once caught in “the disease to please”, Oprah fully understood Sarah’s lack of love she had for herself. Recounting a memory of a bad relationship at 22, Oprah let Sarah (and all of us) in on an important “a-ha moment” she had. Catching a glimpse of herself in a mirror during a really hard time, she realized she had become the woman she said she’d never be. That is when it changed for her. Now 51, Sarah was struggling to make her own change. It makes no difference how old you are…it is never too late to elevate your life. “All you have to do is keep an open heart. You know the universe rises up to meet you just where you are,” Oprah reminded her. She even “guarandamnted” it for her!
With an peaceful visit with Oprah behind her, Sarah was hit with another great surprise. Her older sister, Jane, who she rarely sees was there to see her. As a sister I know that there is no better gift than time with your sister. I can only imagine that it was a non-stop gab fest. For Jane it was hard…she had been worried about her sister since the scandal. Too horrifying to watch someone you love falling apart. The two sisters discussed how their mother’s abandoning them, shifted their souls. After their mother left, Jane went to Australia and Sarah was alone. She recalled, “The night you left, I think then I put up a wall and I said I will never, ever open my heart again….I lost the only two people who kept me happy.” Jane was incredibly proud of her sister.
Feeling empowered and loved, Sarah headed off to her final meeting with Dr. Phil. It is crazy to think of how far Sarah has come in only a few hard weeks. Still embarrassed by the scandal, Dr. Phil reminded her that other than crawling under a rock…she just had to face it. As long as she knows who she is and knows her moral compass, she can stand on her own two feet, regardless of what others say.
Knowing that she has triggers, Sarah asked for Dr. Phil to help her avoid the comfort of food. She was frightened to stand in the silence following the show. He reminded her that there will be times of trouble, but now she had the skills to avoid the pitfalls. “The biggest difference between the Sarah I met on day one and the Sarah that walks out today is a degree of calmness, a degree of peace and strength from the inside,” Dr. Phil shared. Sarah now realized she was in control of her emotions. No longer self destructive, she was excited about living again.
With a plane ticket in hand, Sarah headed back to England…stronger than ever. But as soon as she stepped off the plane, she found out that she was back in the news. Bombarded with calls, it turned out that a friend of her’s and Andrew’s had offered to pay off one of her debts causing a halt to her bankruptcy. This was not headline making though…it was the friend’s past that caused the stir. He was a sex offender. Sarah was finding it harder to remain calm and strong as the story got bigger. This was a true test.
With their parents in the paper, Princess Beatrice and Eugenie worried about their mom. Surrounded by photographers and rude people, Sarah was reminded of England’s judgment towards her. Her family couldn’t help but feel a wave of the previous year’s scandal wash back over them. Recalling that Dr. Phil told her “If you are going to be in the public eye, deal with it or get out,” Sarah headed to a place that brought her great comfort, St. Paul’s Church in London. This church held great significance to in her life. It was the place where they had held a memorial service for her mother. Watching her, it was if she was gathering her strength for the fight of her life. This wasn’t the same broken Fergie. Praying for the strength to help Andrew, Sarah worried about making an appearance for her charity. Clouded by scandal, she chose to offer her resignation instead. She didn’t want her charity to suffer. However, they convinced her that there was no need to do so. She needed to stand up. People were willing to show their support. So, she did!
Sarah hosted the “Children in Crisis” charity dinner with her daughters there as support. Nervously, she entered the room. This was her moment to finally let go of needing the approval of those around her. It was time to stand tall. She did and she found that there were people who cared. Making her daughters proud, Sarah was finally coming to terms with her fears of judgment. One of the most important lessons Sarah learned on her journey had to do with her mother. Finally realizing that her mother leaving had nothing to do with her, Sarah was able to start to make peace with her abandonment issues. “It’s not what happens in your life, it’s what you say to yourself about what happens in your life.” Standing over her father’s grave, she told him “I’ve come home, dad. I’ve come home.” She was right. She was home and she was strong. It was just in time. The same scandal that had sent her spinning was now bubbling up again. Her friend that had set her up was threatening to sell her story to the paper…her inside account of the scandal. However instead of cowering in the corner, Sarah was on it. She made hard calls, pushed and stood strong. “She’s not entitled to do that,” she made it clear. Watching her daughter get upset, Sarah reassured her that it would be alright… “in the darkest moment, I’m the strongest” and she was ready to fight. Not the same Sarah at all!
“I think the secret of where I am now is that I have got harmony within myself” she told Beatrice. “This is the best thing that I could have ever done.” Her daughter quickly reminded her that “the best thing you have ever done mama is, is nurture yourself.” Taking their mother’s lessons to heart as a guide for themselves, both Eugenie and Beatrice grew stronger in their own mother’s journey. No longer worried about having to protect their mom, they couldn’t help but be amazed and even grow as women themselves. What more could a mother ask for…Sarah must be incredibly proud of herself and her girls.
For a woman that has been torn and dragged through the mud, the Duchess did a great job picking herself back up and restarting again. It is never too late. 15 or 51, it doesn’t matter. The biggest mistakes allow for the greatest opportunity to learn. So no matter how bad it seems, you have the ability to push the reset button and reset your moral compass. The most important thing is not what others are saying about you, but instead what you are saying about yourself.