Searching For…Pam Slaton’s next case involved a young man from Boca Raton, Florida, whose family was in turmoil. His father had passed away and his mother had recently lost a kidney due to cancer. Family was on his mind and even more so when a 45 year old family secret slipped. You see…his search in unique in that he was not adopted. But his mother, when she was a teenager, had given up a son close to 18 years before he was born. Seth has a half-brother and desperately needs Pam’s expertise.
Seth Gordon was looking to mend both his OWN and his mother’s life. His mom was so concerned about intruding on her adopted son’s life and feared rejection. Did he even know he was adopted? Pam insisted on calling Seth’s mom, Marilyn, to be sure that she was OK with this search. The shame, guilt and loss could be felt when Marilyn spoke. She spoke of how when someone would ask her “how many children do you have?”, she wanted to say two but had to say one. She even felt that Seth’s premature birth was a punishment from God for giving up her first son. Pam quickly assured Marilyn that she had given another family a GIFT. There was no need for punishment. A secret she held her whole life. Her son, Seth, seemed to always know something felt wrong. This alone brought him to tears. The pain his mother went through having to hide this secret and carry that alone. As Seth tells his mother that “you are all I have, mom”, his mother emotionally replies “you are my whole life”. You can’t help but be moved. It seems as if the mother is trying to let this be about Seth, but is afraid of the rejection that may come. It is clear they love each other very much.
Pam informs Seth that his brother’s amended name is Anthony and asks Seth if he is ready to call him. There is a pause. Filled with excitment, fear and a huge shot of reality. It was happening. All he had to do was call. He asked Pam if she could make the call because he wasn’t sure how Anthony would react.
Pam made the call and Anthony agreed to speak to Seth. Seth spoke of their mother…mentioning she had never forgotten him and was a good person. This may have been a bit too much for Anthony as I am sure he most likely had a lot of questions and mixed feelings about his biological mother.
Being that Anthony really had no heads up, it is understandable to why he was a little caught off guard. Receiving a phone call regarding something like this is a lot to digest. He ended the conversation asking Seth to call him tomorrow. Seth’s mom was encouraging, but implied Anthony had a family and it was complicated. She seemed concerned about getting her own or Seth’s hopes up.
The brothers decided to meet in NYC. Seth was nervous he may not get the call and felt anxious about whether the meeting would take place. BUT it did. They met off camera and talked for a couple of hours. It was wonderful for Seth. He had a brother! He headed home and relived the visit with his mom. When he brought out his cell phone with Anthony’s picture, his mother took a deep pause. At first it appeared she wasn’t affected, but within moments she found herself in tears. Marilyn made the comment that she was “glad to hear he is happy and OK.” That was all that counted. Then she made a comment about it not being like the movies. That this was reality. She wasn’t looking for someone to “come and give me a hug”. I don’t think that is true. I think that is what she had hoped for. She was possibly just setting herself up to be OK if she was rejected. Many of us do that. It keeps us safe. We know it isn’t the healthiest emotionally, but it protects us when we feel most vulnerable.
Searching For’s Pam Slaton did her best to provide a safe connection for everyone in this OWN connection. I hope Seth, Marilyn and Anthony can find a place where they are able to appreciate and understand one another….maybe even love one another. It is important to remember… to be loved is a blessing, not a burden.
Hi Patricia, Your article was very well written, however in the first paragraph you mentioned that as a teenager Marilyn gave up a son a few years before he (Seth) was born. Seth was 27 and Anthony at the time of taping the show was 45, so there’s a slightly larger gap in ages between Seth and Anthony-like 18 years, just wanted to clarify this point in your article. Otherwise you were very delicate, sensitive and caring in expressing the feelings of all that were involved in this episode and the same goes for Pam also. Thank you for ”SEARCHING” which enabled me to make my life come full circle. Marilyn
Thank you, Marilyn for letting me know. I am glad to set the record straight. Thanks again and I hope things are going well for you and your family.
Thank you for your response and correction. Seth wanted me to mention, which I forgot-that he was born premature, 7 weeks early ( had to make an early debut) and not because of any sickness, he wasn’t sure where that came from but wanted to clarify the correct statement. Marilyn Thanks once again for all your support, Marilyn
The change was made. Thanks for letting us know, Marilyn & Seth!
This was the second episode I watched and I was very touched. I did feel that I missed the opportunity to see and hear Anthony. I do respect the decision to keep him off camera but it was like I was missing something. I guess thats why I looked for this cite. Seth’s emotions impacted me because I’m the same with my mother and my father also passed some years back. Thank You for sharing that story.
Hello Marilyn and Seth! My name is Julia, I’m 25 years old, I’m from Russia, today we demonstrated the transmission of “In search of” where did you find her son and brother. My mother and I were very excited and crying, because we, too, almost no one. Seth is a very good and a nice guy. We are glad that everything turned out well, and we hope that even now, a year later, you are all well and you together!