Catherine Duffy

I left my house yesterday morning flush with confidence and purpose. Ready to take on the world and everything that came my way because I had spent a glorious weekend indulging me. Listening to my inner voice. Doing nothing when I felt like doing nothing. Completely stepping out of the box and accepting that sometimes it’s okay to be rather than doing.

I felt after reading Deepak Chopra’s words in the O magazine that I had conquered my ego issues and was able to deal with anger, feelings of displacement, jealousy , etc,. Wrong. As my Spiritual Mother always says be careful what you ask for. Or be careful what you project to the Universe.

Every test that could come my way yesterday came my way. To see if I could contain my anger. To see if I could detach myself from my ego. And it was really difficult to do so at first. It was really hard not to jump into the fray. To show my claws. To be as aggressive as those who were aggressive with me. But I did it and I have to admit it felt really strange. I felt like I was having an out of body experience with each test. I felt like I was physically detaching from the confrontations I found myself in and was looking at myself and the others engaged in battle from a place outside of myself. Their voices were muted. Their expressions animated. Even tormented.

During each encounter I felt like I was being cowardly because I did not jump in to defend myself. I felt like I was letting people walk all over me. Because I did not combine my energy with theirs. But then once each confrontation passed, I felt good about not getting angry. Not adding fuel to the fire.  And then I realised I was being tested. And once I did, my awareness grew and each confrontation thereafter became easier to let go.

What I realised was once I recognised I was being tested, I dropped the need to be feel superior. To exert my influence. I recognised it was better if I did not try to extinguish my ego but to transcend it instead. And what I realised most is with each ego derived response to the tests, I was tested again and again. Because the Universe is constantly sending us what we need to become the best we can be. The most compassionate we can be. Here’s to another day. May I continue to transcend my ego. May I continue to recognise that I cannot take myself too seriously because once I do, tests arrive to show me I am just as vulnerable as the next person.

About Catherine Duffy – A woman in search of truth. A wife trying to love unconditionally. A mother trying to raise good citizens. A writer bursting through. Enjoying life’s journey. Catherine can be found @duffy_catherine and on her blog from Bermuda · http://bermudacat.blogspot.com.